The Itch Is Here: A Dilemma for a Purist
Sunday, 04.15.2012 / 4:15 PM
|Day 8: The itchy neckbeard|
My wife, on the other hand, might say "hobo." See, if I'm growing a beard, I don't like to shave at all. No trimming, no neck shaving, no razors. Period. However, the last time I had a beard, I wasn't required to wear a suit and tie. And I can safely say that neckbeard growth and a buttoned collar do not mix. So that's got me thinking.
Eight days into my 2012 playoff beard, I am firmly into the "itch" phase. It's the kind of itch that no amount of scratching will ease. And for me the itch is all from my chin down. Through experience I know that it passes with time, but that doesn't really help me right now.
So now I'm wondering: Maybe I should shave the lower portion of my beard?
It is a playoff beard, so could I be toying with the Predators' mojo if I cut any whiskers? I mean, surely my beard is somehow linked to all the other beards being grown by Predators players and fans, and when their collective power is combined and matched against the playoff beards of all Detroit Red Wings faithful, that determines whether the Preds win or lose, right?
OK, so maybe I'm overthinking things here. But my tendancies as a beard purist—or hobo, depending—still give me pause when I think of trimming up my neckline.
If you have strong feelings one way or the other, feel free to persuade me in the comments. And I'm still stuck at $20 in the fund-raising department, so if you are feeling generous, please pledge toward my beard. Or better yet, sign up for yourself. All money raised goes to the Predators Foundation's Pediatric Cancer Research Fund at Monroe Carell Jr. Children's Hospital at Vanderbilt.
Neckbeard or not, it'd be tougher to find a better cause to grow a beard for.